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Unexpected Family Page 18
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He hadn’t said it. He’d hinted. His smoldering, honest gaze had assured her he still had feelings. But how deep did they go? And would they last? Forever? And what if they didn’t and her heart ached for more? Would she hurt him? Again?
Her head dipped into her hands. Lord, I think Bea might be right. I am scared to take another chance on him. Not just for me. But for his sake. I’m not perfect—You know that. How can I be selfish enough to take what he’s offering?
What was he offering? They hadn’t discussed love or marriage. Just a blip down memory lane and a few what-if questions. Hardly a basis to get so worked up over. Time to put the whole situation out of her mind. Nothing would come of it, anyhow. Not unless...
Lead me to Your will, Lord. Guide me and make my path straight.
She hoped a straight path meant the safe one. The one where her heart remained intact. The one where she didn’t have to worry Tom would tire of her and she’d leave him a casualty again. The highway to Florida was her best option.
* * *
Stroke. Breathe. Stroke. Breathe. Tom sliced through the water at the Y. Almost finished with his laps, and he was no closer to a decision than before. He’d shuffled about like a walking dead man the past two days. His sisters called and left text messages, but he ignored them both. Bryan had stopped by. They watched an action movie and kept the conversation to small talk. That’s why he loved his brother. He wasn’t prying and prodding and making suggestions like Claire or Libby.
Tom reached the wall, flipped under and pushed off the way Sean had trained him, dolphin kicking his legs together until he burst through the surface and continued swimming.
Out of all the women Tom could have dated and fallen in love with, why did he have to go and fall for the one who didn’t want him?
He pictured her velvety eyes after they kissed. She wanted him. But she wouldn’t admit it. Talked in riddles. Put up walls.
And why was that?
Who knew?
Stroke. Breathe. Stroke. Breathe.
He was tired of analyzing. If she wanted to leave, let her leave. She’d taken his heart last time and he’d survived.
But his heart had grown bigger. His heart wasn’t only in Steph’s hands. It was in Macy’s, too.
He touched the edge and stopped swimming. Resting his arm on the side of the pool, he took a few seconds to let his heart rate return to normal.
“Hey, Tom,” Sean called from the door and sauntered toward him. “Just the man I wanted to see.”
Tom flipped his goggles to the top of his head. “How’s it going?”
“Good. Good.” He sifted through the papers on his clipboard. “I went through your numbers last night. You’re a machine. You blew your goals away this month.”
“What were the numbers?” Tom heaved his body out of the pool and joined Sean, looking over his shoulder at the chart. When he saw how much he’d improved his time and distance, he pumped his fist in the air. “Yes!”
Sean gave him a high five. “When you want something, you get it, don’t you?”
Tom grinned. “I guess I do.”
“I’ll let you get back. See you tomorrow.”
Tom dived back into the pool. For months he’d been worried about the swim portion of the race. Didn’t think he could handle it. Didn’t have the swim skills to excel. But he’d been wrong. He could handle it. He was going to destroy the race.
Gliding through the water, he maintained his form.
When you want something, you get it...
In real life, yes. He worked hard, he focused and he went after his goals. But his love life was another matter. Claire’s and Libby’s voices clamored in his head. Spell it out for her.
What did they know, anyhow?
Did he want Stephanie to stay? Macy?
Yes. One hundred times, yes.
Then why wasn’t he going after them? Why was he letting her make the decision?
He’d been doubting himself for years. Maybe it was time to prove his worth. He’d let her leave five years ago. Maybe he had more of a say in this than he realized. Maybe he had to try to break down her walls.
He thrust down the lane. He wanted Stephanie back in his life. For good.
Time to fight for her. Time to own his power. Time to convince her to stay.
* * *
“Let’s get Daddy this!” Macy raced up the aisle and wrapped her arms around an enormous pink-and-black zebra-striped furry pillow. “He’ll love it.”
“I think you’re the one who would love it.” Stephanie plucked the pillow out of Macy’s hands and set it back on the shelf. “Think about the things your dad likes. What would make him happy?”
She crinkled her nose and set her finger on her chin. “Hmm... He likes running and jumping. We should get Daddy a trampoline.”
Stephanie held back a chuckle. “Again, that sounds more like something you would enjoy.”
“Everybody likes jumping, Mama.”
“Maybe so, but I’m on a budget. Let’s look for something in the less-expensive department.”
“Where’s that?” Macy turned her head this way and that. “Is it by the toys?”
She laughed. Only her daughter would take her comment literally. “Come on. We’ll go to the kitchen aisle.”
Her conversation with Bea still lingered in her mind. All the way to Macy’s day care and back home she couldn’t stop thinking about Tom. And the future.
And the more she thought about it, the less she liked the way she held him at a distance. He’d forgiven her. Might even be offering her a second chance. The chance of a lifetime.
When had she gotten so scared?
“What about this? Isn’t this the thingy you make shakes with?” Macy pointed to a blender.
“It’s a blender.” Stephanie picked up the box and examined it. “Doesn’t he have one already?”
Macy shook her head.
“This might work. He could make fruit smoothies.”
“Or chocolate shakes!” Macy hopped, clapping her hands, her eyes bright. “Oh, I did it again. I want the shakes. Daddy doesn’t.”
Stephanie ruffled Macy’s hair. “Actually, you picked a good gift. I think he’ll like it, and it’s okay if you do, too.”
“You can have one, too, Mommy. Daddy will make you one if you ask.”
She hefted the blender under one arm and held Macy’s hand with the other. Tom would make her a shake if she asked. In fact, he’d been extremely accommodating with Macy, with her schedule and even with her grad school choices. He’d given his opinion, but he’d compromised.
He treated her like an equal. Respected her.
And maybe she deserved his respect. She’d carved out a decent life for herself and Macy with the Lord’s help and with Dad’s. But something was missing, and it wasn’t the beach. It wasn’t her degree. It wasn’t even her close relationship with her father.
Tom held the key to her locked-up heart, and if he offered it to her to be near Macy, maybe in time he could learn to offer it for more.
“Can we get some candy, Mommy?” Macy bent to study the rows of candy bars at the checkout lane.
“Not today.” Tomorrow, after the housewarming party, she was having a heart-to-heart with Tom. A blender was nice and all, but he really wanted his daughter.
She bit her lip. This idea forming in her mind turned her stomach queasy. It meant taking a chance. It could mean waiting for him to come around, maybe months or years. She would have no plan B. She’d had too many plan Bs in life anyway.
And this time, the uncertainty didn’t terrify her.
She owed it to him, to Macy and to herself to be brave. To lay her heart on the table. And to accept what he decided. Her fate would be in his hands.
Lord, h
elp me.
It would mean breaking Dad’s heart. After all he’d done for her. But she’d been supporting herself and Macy for more than a year. She had the strength to do it on her own.
But hopefully she wouldn’t have to.
Chapter Seventeen
“Ah, here’s our little sweetheart! Come and give me a big old hug.” Aunt Sally kissed Macy’s forehead. Tom said a silent prayer, thanking the good Lord for his sweet aunt. Sally bent to Macy’s level. “Let’s get that coat off so you can have a cookie. And don’t tell anyone, but I’ve got a soda hiding in the fridge for you. Oh, and look, there’s Papa.”
Tom’s palms grew moist as Stephanie followed Macy into the foyer. She slipped out of her jacket.
“Here—let me.” He grasped it, his fingers brushing hers in the process. Slow heat warmed his core. If he could snap his fingers and make all the housewarming guests disappear, he would.
“Oh, we got something for you.” She bent and picked up a wrapped box, then, with a shy smile, handed it to him. “If you already have one, you can take it back. I included the receipt.”
“I don’t want to return it.” His voice sounded dry, and he got lost in her gaze. “Thanks for coming.”
She lowered her lashes and nodded. Man, she was pretty. Pretty? More like glowing. Breathtaking. A loud laugh drifted from the living room, where Dad and Uncle Joe talked with a few other guests. Didn’t mean he couldn’t get Stephanie alone, though.
“Hey.” He glanced around. “Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you.”
“Sure.”
The door opened, and Claire and Reed spilled inside. “Happy housewarming, big brother!” She threw her arms around him and squeezed tight. “Tell this one—” she pointed to Reed “—how awful it is to live in a subdivision. Living on the lake is the best option.”
Reed rolled his eyes. “We could walk to the lake if we lived here. This is the premier subdivision in Lake Endwell. Don’t you want to pick out kitchen cabinets and carpets?”
Claire grimaced. “Yuck. I hate that sort of thing. If—and that’s a very big if—we ever build a home, which we aren’t, you’d have to be in charge of it all.” She pretended to shiver, then noticed Stephanie off to the side. “Oh, hi, Stephanie! Come here and give me a hug.”
Stephanie’s eyes widened, but she accepted the embrace. Tom stepped forward to whisk her away, but Libby and Jake came in.
“I think we need to take this to the living room. Come on.” Claire gestured for Stephanie to follow. Tom greeted his other sister. More family and friends arrived, including his employees and several customers. He gave them all the grand tour and an hour later stood in the center of a boisterous group in the living room. But his eyes kept seeking out Stephanie.
There, on the couch next to Libby. The hair on his arms rose. Would Libby say something to hurt her? He inched toward them, but Stephanie leaned back and laughed. Libby angled in toward her, touching her arm. He exhaled.
Time to get Stephanie alone. Before he lost confidence and let his plan fall apart. He couldn’t take much more socializing, anyhow, not when his future hung in the balance.
“You must be charging us too much for our cars.” Chuck Leeman, one of his best customers, slapped him on the back. “Hello, Buckingham Palace, right?” He nudged Tom in the ribs.
Tom grinned. “I always give you my best price.”
“I’m sure you do. Come over here, I’ve got a couple buddies looking to get into new trucks...”
Tom glanced at the couch, but Stephanie wasn’t there. He scanned the open room, saw Macy but no Stephanie. His arms fell to his sides, but he painted on a grin and humored Chuck.
Twenty minutes passed and he finally broke away. A tap on his shoulder had him turning. “When you get a chance—not now, I know you’re busy and I don’t want to take you away from the party—could we talk? Privately?” Stephanie’s eyes darted back and forth.
“Yes. Now.” He claimed her hand and led her to the hall.
“Wait, Tom, the party—”
“The party can go on without us.” He kept a tight hold and led her up the curving staircase through the upstairs hallway to his master suite. He shut the door and locked it. Then he faced her, wanting to lift her up and trail kisses down her neck. Which wasn’t smart, since he had no idea how she would react to what he had to say.
“Are you sure about this?” The question didn’t surprise him.
He nodded. Where to start? He’d rehearsed this moment half the night, and now his mind went blank.
Love.
Supposed to spell it out for her. Tell her what she meant to him. Convince her to stay. His mouth went drier than caked mud midsummer.
“I talked to Dad last night.” She stood straight, like a strong sapling in the forest. “I’m not moving to Florida.”
“Western accepted you?” There, his tongue loosened.
“I don’t know yet, but it doesn’t matter. I’m staying here. I’m staying because it’s best for Macy.”
The hope rising in his soul paused. “Is that the only reason?”
She shook her head, tilting it slightly. “It’s not. It’s not even the main reason. The last couple of months have been hard—great, but hard on me. You see, I’ve needed to be in control most of my life, probably because I had so little control when I was young. My parents’ divorce threw my world upside down.”
He wanted to take her in his arms, but she wasn’t finished.
“It made me insecure. When we got married, I didn’t trust you’d be there for me. My mom never was. And then you weren’t. So I justified spending time with Aaron. Then I saw what a lousy substitute he was, and I was so ashamed. Since then my life has revolved around being someone I could be proud of, and I am. But you came back into my life and all the memories came back. All the shame.”
“Don’t, Steph,” he said, touching her cheek.
“I need to.” Her eyes implored him, and he nodded. “I’m staying here because I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’ve never gotten over you. But I’m not trying to trap you into anything. I can wait, Tom. I can wait forever if necessary, but I won’t be with you unless it’s me you want. Not Macy’s mom. Me.” She pointed to her chest.
He widened his stance. “What if you don’t get accepted into grad school here?”
She shrugged, lifting her chin high. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll reapply next year. This is what I want.”
Taking her hands in his, he processed everything she said. “No, it’s not. It’s what I want. You want to be a CPA. You want the beach and to see your dad.”
“I’ll still get my career. I can visit Dad. When I called him last night, he wasn’t happy about it, but he’s supporting my decision.”
“I can’t let you do this.” He dropped her hands. “You’re the one making all the sacrifices.”
* * *
She couldn’t move, but bits of her heart were chipping off with each word he spoke. The pulse in his neck throbbed. Her finger itched to touch it, to soothe the muscles in his arms, bulging with tension. She hadn’t meant to get him all worked up. Not at his party. Not like this.
“I guess that’s your answer, then.” Her words came out clipped, quiet. She’d better get downstairs, say her goodbyes and leave. “Just forget what I said about love and all that. I don’t want it to be awkward between us. But I’m still staying in Michigan. I made up my mind.”
He blocked her path. “No. That’s not my answer. And I’m not forgetting what you said. Why would I ever willingly forget you love me? Why would I throw that away as if it meant nothing? It means everything.”
She swallowed. He sounded mad. Or passionate.
“You had your say. Now it’s time for me to have mine.” He led her to one of two chairs by the fireplace opposite h
is bed. Kneeling, he rested his hands on the armrests, trapping her. She tried to look away, but he captured her gaze with his.
“What are you doing?” So close she could smell his skin. Clean. Tempting. Too compelling. Whatever he was about to say, she doubted she could argue it.
“I’m fighting for you. Spelling it out.”
Her mouth formed an O. Spelling what out? And did he say he was fighting for her? Could it be true?
“I love you,” he said. “I’ve loved you since I saw you in that cute collegiate T-shirt at the tailgating party where we met. You were kind. Sweet. Gentle. And I was a stupid idiot for not cherishing you when we were married. I’m not saying I’m glad we got divorced, but maybe we both needed these years to get our acts together. I didn’t appreciate you, and after you left, I shuffled through each day. I was living, but I wouldn’t call it a life.”
His gaze branded her, sending a shiver through her body. “The other night, I was scared. It ate at me. But I’m telling you now, I want to be enough for you. I want to be the guy who is there for you. Who treats you right. Who listens to what you did that day, who holds your hand when you’re sad, who celebrates with you when you’re happy. The one who eats dinner with you every night and makes you coffee every morning. I love you. I never stopped loving you.”
She scooted forward, wrapped her arms around his neck and slid off the chair onto her knees to join him. “Really?”
“Really.” Then, the planes of his face straining against his skin, he claimed her lips with his own and pulled her closer, so close she could feel her heartbeat stampeding with his. He kissed her slow, caressing the back of her neck.
“You’re mine,” he said. “You’ll always be mine.”
She gasped. “Guess I’m really not moving to Florida.”
“Tell me about it.” He kissed her again. When she broke away, she nibbled on her lower lip. She still had a few questions. Important ones.
Confusion rippled across his face. “What’s wrong?” He let her hair slip through his fingers, and she wanted to bask in his touch, his tenderness.
But she gave her head a small shake.